Hari igihe urukundo rusazá. Wari ubizi ?

Hari abantu usanga binjiye mu nkundo bakazihebera gushika n’aho iyo bahemukiwe bibagora kwakira mbere rimwe na rimwe ugasanga hari n’abahuye n’ikibazo co kugwara ihungabana ry’amagara yo mu mutwe. Désiré D’amour Habonimana, umuhinga mu bijanye n’urukundo, imibano, ingo n’imiryago hari ico abivuga ko.

Haraciye iminsi higaragaza abantu bagira ihungabana ry’amagara yo mu mutwe mu Burundi biturutse ku guhemukirwa n’abo bakunze. Akarorero ni ak’umuhungu afise imyaka iri hagati ya 25 na 28 vyashikiye ku wa 23 Mukakaro 2024 muri zone Buyenzi muri komine Mukaza mu gisagara ca Bujumbura, aho inyuma yo guhebwa n’uwo yakunze yahungabanye birenze urugero gushika aho akura izo yambaye akagenda nk’uko yaremwe, ata gahuzu yambaye. Aha mu Burundi, benshi mu bantu babonye uwushikiwe n’iryo hungabana, bavuga ko yarozwe, bati « bamuvugutiye umuti, nimumujane kwa rumenyi (umupfumu). »

Guhungabana amagara yo mu mutwe kubera guhebwa n’umukunzi si akaroge

Kubwa Habonimana, guhungabana amagara yo mu mutwe ku wuhemukiwe mu rukundo birabaho, bigatumwa n’ukwo urukundo ruba mu bwonko (mu mutwe), rutaba mu mutima nk’uko bamwe bavyibaza. Rero ngo uko guhungabana bitumwa n’uruhererekane rw’inkabuzo z’umubiri (hormones) zikorana n’ubwonko.

Asigura ati : « Hatangura inkabuzo yitwa Ocytacine igutuma uhitamwo mu miriyoni z’abantu umukunzi umwe ahuye n’ivyo wipfuza. Ica iha ikibanza inkabuzo yitwa Dopamine ituma wumva ko wishimiye kuba uwo muntu ari mu buzima bwawe. Iyo utandukanye n’uwo muntu, Dopamine ica iha ikibanza inkabuzo yitwa Cortisol nayo ituma umuntu aremerwa n’ivyiyumviro, maze bigatuma ubwonko bugira ingorane, ikaba n’intandaro yo guhungabana mu mutwe.»

Guhebwa ukabifata nk’ibisanzwe ntibisigura ko utakunda…

Ku bijanye n’igituma bamwe bababara ku rugero rusanzwe iyo bahemukiwe, abandi na bo bikarenga urugero ku buryo bata n’impuzu bambaye, umuhinga Habonimana avuga ko uwubabara bisanzwe na we nyene bidasigura ko aba adakunda. Avuga ahubwo ko iyo umuntu atakaje umukunzi, ababara bivanye n’urugero yamuronse amukeneyeko.

Asigura ati : « Gukundana ni ukurondera uwukwuzuza, ukanezerwa. Iyo rero uhebwe n’uwakuronsa ivyo utari bwigere uronka mu buzima, urababara cane. Nk’akarorero, umukobwa yakuze ari impfuvyi, atawumwitaho, atawumuha utuganuke, atawumubwira ko ari mwiza, atawumubwira ko aberewe, aronse umukunzi, aba amukeneye cane kurusha uwakuze ivyo bintu vyose abihabwa. » Avuga ko abo bantu babiri bataja kubababara ku rugero rumwe : « Uwo yari amukeneye cane ababara cane, akumva ko kumutakaza ari nk’aho isi n’ijuru bimuguyeko, kurusha uwo yamuronse asanzwe ata co abura. »

Uyo muhinga akabandanya avuga ko kahise k’urukundo rwabo nako nyene gashobora gutuma uwahemukiwe ababara cane, na cane cane ko bimwibutsa ko hari ivyo atakaje muri urwo rukundo, nk’akarorero utuganuke yamuhaye, incuro yamufashije gutorera inyishu y’ibibazo vy’ubuzima bwiwe, ukwitanga yagize n’amadeni ashobora kuba yarafashe kugira ngo amunezereze, abagenzi yamweretse n’ibindi vyinshi.

« Arakira iyo yitwararitswe… »

Uwagize ihungabana ry’amagara yo mu mutwe rivuye ku guhemukirwa mu rukundo arakira nk’uko Habonimana abivuga. Agira ati: « Ikibano kirakwiye kuba hafi uwo vyashikiye, ariko na we nyene ubwiwe akwiye kwiyitaho akiyibagiza ivyabaye. » Ariko iyo ihungabana ryo mu mutwe rirengeye abamwitwararika, abahanura kumujana ku bahinga banonosoye ibijanye n’inyifato (psychologues) « bakamufasha ibintu 3 bishobora kumukiza: bamufasha kwiyakira, kwibagira ivyabaye no gutangura ubuzima bushasha .»

Ivyo wokora bikakurinda kubabara birenze iyo uhebwe

Kugira ngo abakundana ntibaze bashikirwe n’ihungabana ry’amagara yo mu mutwe bishitse bagahebwa, uwo muhinga atanga impanuro 3 z’ingene bovyitwaramwo mu rukundo: « Ubwa mbere, harakwiye gukundana abantu bakuze, atari mu myaka, ahubwo bashoboye kwakira ivyoshika vyose. Ubwa kabiri, abantu binjire mu rukundo bateguye mu mutwe ko guhemuka no guhemukirwa bibaho, narirya ko atari bo ba mbere bazoba bagiye mu rukundo, bongere bige ukuntu bazovyakira nivyabashikira. Ubwa nyuma, abakundana bokwirinda ibishobisho birengeye urugero urukundo rwabo rugezeko : ntukunde umuntu ku rugero rw’ukwo aguhevye wumva umenga wopfa, canke ngo wiyegurire umuntu muryamane mu gihe mumaranye ukwezi kumwe gusa, canke ata gihe kirekire mumaranye cotuma wizera ko muzobana. »

Nayo uwuhebwe amuhanura kurondera ibindi bintu bifatira ubwonko bwiwe kugira ngo bimutware umwanya yahora yiyumviramwo umukunzi wiwe : «Ashobora gukunda gukina canke kuraba urukino kanaka kurusha ukwo yahora abikora, kuraba amareresi n’ibindi bitamwibutsa uwo yakunda.»  Amuhanura kandi kwegeza kure buri kintu cose comwibutsa uwamuhemukiye nk’ubutumwa bandikiraniye, utuganuke yamuhaye, ibibanza bahora bahuriramwo n’ibindi bitandukanye. Arondere uwundi muntu aha ikibanza mu buzima bwiwe, akamugira incuti ya hafi, akamwisanzurako. Yokunda gukora imyimenyerezo ngororamubiri (sport).

Ariko kandi uyo muhinga avuga ko uwahebwe akwiye kwirinda guhungira mu rundi rukundo kuko ngo ashobora gusanga ahuriyeyo n’ingorane zisumba izo yagize ubwa mbere maze agakomeretswa mu nkovu. Vyoba vyiza agize abagenzi abo badasangiye igitsina kurusha kubagira abakunzi.

Habonimana anavuga kandi ko abahebwe bokwirinda kwisuka mu ngeso mbi nk’ibiyayuramutwe, inzoga, imibonanompuzabitsina, kuko ivyo bishobora gutuma bikwegera izindi ngaruka nyinshi, na rirya ko ubwonko butaba bugishobora kwigerera muri ivyo bintu kuko buba bubibona nk’umuti w’izo ngorane yatewe n’urukundo.